Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Where Do I Go From Here ? ? ?

It's been two weeks since my mom gained heaven.  Two weeks since her faith became sight.  To say I miss her is an understatement.  I have shed many, many tears.  I tell her I love her and miss her every single day (no, she doesn't answer me, but it makes me feel like she's still here).  I've gone to the cemetery a few times and it makes me sad.  She's not there.  She is in heaven healed and whole and more alive than she ever was here on this earth.  I believe that with all my heart.  I feel selfish missing her because she was so sick and I'm so very thankful her suffering is over.  She fought hard to try to stay here with us.  But there is a hole in my heart that will always be there.  I will always miss her because she was such a huge part of my life.  I know there are people who aren't close to their moms and that makes me very sad for those people.  My mom and I were very close.  I cherish the memories I have of her.  She was wonderful and I am so very proud to be her daughter. 

So where do I go from here?  Frankly I had considered not blogging anymore.  Mainly because for the last two years the only thing I have blogged about is my mom.  I don't know that there are very many people who even read this blog anymore, and that's OK.  I blog for myself anyway and I still have things to share and stories to tell so I've decided I'm going to keep Down On The Farm going if for no other reason than I enjoy it.

I'm in the process of simplifying my life and I'm starting with my house.  We've lived here for over 20 years and we've accumulated a lot of stuff.  I'm not a spender.  I don't get up on Saturday mornings and feel like I have to go shopping and buy myself something.  But in the last 20 years our house has gotten really "full."  So I'm purging and donating and organizing.  I've cleaned out a small closet that had become the equivalent of a junk drawer and I'll be blogging about that soon and posting before and after pictures.  It's amazing what purging, and a few bins from Marshalls can do for a small closet!!  I cleaned out just one drawer in my bathroom but OH THE JOY of that one empty drawer!!!  It's the little things people!!!



Our daughter came by this weekend and took the final load of items from her old room.  So I'm going to do some switch-a-roos with closets and bedroom furniture and I'll be blogging about that as well.  Our interior walls need painted and everything just needs to be REFRESHED!  Nothing major.  Not knocking out any walls.  But we've really done very little to our house in the last 20 years and it's time for an update.  I'm looking forward to doing that and sharing the process with you.

My sweet grandson will be here in late fall and my goal is to be able to spend as much time with him, and our kids, as possible.  And NOT to be stressing about all the closets I need to clean out or all the drawers I need to empty.  I'm on a mission to get everything cleaned and organized by the end of the year.  And hopefully it won't take me that long!!!  My house isn't that big and I'm not a hoarder so there really isn't THAT much to do.  But I do have several drawers and closets that need to be emptied out and organized.  My theme is -- if I don't need it, use it or love it IT'S GONE!!!!  

I really do want to say thank you for sticking with me through the two most difficult years of my life.  Your prayers for me and my family and my beautiful mother have been appreciated so much.  It made a difference.  No, the outcome was not what I prayed for my mom, but I trust that God knows what He's doing. Knowing that my mother is in heaven waiting for me makes me smile through my tears.

So if you've come this far with me and you're ready to go a little farther please  keep visiting Down On The Farm.  There will be LOTS OF PICTURES of my new grandson (YES, I'M GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE GRANDMAS!!!).  Pictures of "before" and "after" of drawers and closets and walls.  Stories about my mom and my husband and my kids.  Stories about my life surrounded by cows and turkeys and dust and mud and flies and manure.  Posts about my faith in Jesus and a few sermons cause I can't keep silent about His love for me!  Maybe some recipes and some funny stories and the day to day life of a 54 year old wife and mom and soon to be grandma trying to make the REST of my life the BEST of my life.  I want to be a better servant of Jesus, a better daughter, sister, aunt, friend, mom and wife.  I want to be the very best ME that God created me to be. 

Blessings from Down On The Farm!!!!
 





12 comments:

  1. Robbin, Sending hugs to you. I understand you missing your mom. I wanted to just call my mom's old number...just to be dialing it and she's been gone 12 years this September. Your sharp pain will ease honey....but the longing will go on. The longing to be held by your mom, hear her voice, tell her you love her. You will spend some of that love now on your kids and the grandkids when they come along. Blessings to you sweetheart, xoxo, Susie

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    1. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom Susie. It is an ache that will always be there, just not as sharp as it is now. I do long to touch her, hold her hand again, to hear her say my name. I still can't believe she is gone. It seems like a dream. Blessings to you dear lady. Thank you for your prayers. Hugs right back to you! Robbin

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  2. Awww Robbin, first I knew of your mother, Donna's passing. My deepest and most sincere condolences. It is a bittersweet last couple of years for you, and for her as well. I pray for you as you grieve. A lot of heart stuff going on, with much recall of memories you haven't thought of in years. Many tears. So much love. God bless sweetest Robbin.

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    1. Your comments over these past few years have truly been a balm for my soul. It is so obvious that you know Jesus. His Word is alive in you and I have appreciated your comments so very much. Yes, lots of memories. Good memories. These past 2 years have been tough, the past 2 months, really tough, and the last 2 weeks of her life, well, no one should have to suffer like that, and no child should have to watch their parent die like that. Thankful for the HOPE that is Jesus. The blessed assurance of heaven and being reunited with her one day is my anchor right now. I promised her I would see her again one day, and told her to come running when she sees me. The grief truly does come in waves. One minute I'm fine. The next the air is gone from my lungs. But Jesus will sustain me. He has never failed me and I trust Him, even though I sure don't understand. Blessings to you dear lady. God is using you in a mighty way. Robbin

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  3. Prayers...Mother died 1992 at age 60-devastating-I miss her every day!!

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    1. Thank you for the prayers, Brenda. There is no love like a mother's love. 60 is so young. I'm very sorry you lost your mom so young. Many things we just don't understand. But we trust that God is in control and He will make something good out of all this. Blessings from Missouri!

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  4. Robbin, please forgive me for not visiting very often and please accept my condolences. Just a couple of weeks ago you were being talked about...my pastor's wife was here and I showed her the trowel, told the story. Now, I'm guilty of the "it CAN'T be that long..." mentality. Time isn't merely flying, it's SONIC speed! Little things aren't really all that little; it's the bare bones stuff that make up life and gives us connectedness, hope and a future in Him. God bless you and keep you as you travel this new journey.

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    1. Thank you so much. Yes, time does fly by. It has now been over 4 weeks. I can't believe it. I still cry every day, and guess I always will. So thankful for the blessed assurance of heaven. I know she is there now. But oh how I miss her.

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  5. Your post brings back memories of my mother who died many years ago and I still think about her here and there. I understand how you feel because when I lost her, it felt like our home literally lost our light. Praying for your strength sister and your mom may not be able to say anything back to you but I'm sure she had passed on knowing how much her family loved her. Stay strong with the power God gives. Blessings to you and may the Lord guide us always whatever direction our blogs are heading to... since I'm also lagging sometimes since I stopped working in the prison. But I'm grateful for His perfect time and that I truly am grateful to have more time with my family. Thank you for your visit.

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    1. I miss her beyond words. I still cry every day and I'm pretty sure I always will. But we will go on. We promised her we would and I aim to keep that promise. I know that God will sustain me. I'm trying hard to find the "joy" in all this. But I trust Him. I know He will make something good out of this. Thanks for your kind words and prayers. They are truly appreciated.

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  6. I still read! I'm here even though sometimes I am late in reading.

    And this post might help you :). It was a great thing I learned at my own job. I truly need to do this again with my stuff!
    http://midwesternatheart.com/2013/03/6s-home-use-pantry/

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    1. I'm getting rid of stuff like CRAZY!!! So far I've donated 3 loads of clothes and kitchen items and just STUFF! Why did I ever keep it???

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