Change

Good Morning to you (or afternoon or evening depending on when you are taking the time to read this little blog of mine)!!!

Wow.  Can you believe today is the first day of July??  Another year half over.  I can't believe it myself.  Soon the days will get shorter, the temperatures will start dropping (which frankly is fine with me) and fall will be peeking around the corner.  Fall is my favorite time of year, hands down.  And yet, fall means winter is coming.  And winter in Missouri is no picnic.

Yesterday was my husband's 49th birthday.  We are the same age for 9 days.  And then.  And then.  My 50th birthday on July 9th.  Talk about something I can't believe.

I remember when 50 was old.  Seriously.  When I was in my 20s and 30s I really thought someone 50 was old.

I don't feel 50.  I don't feel old.  And those of you who ARE 50 and then some know what I mean.  I don't feel any older than when I was 25.  I really, really don't.

I somehow thought that by the time I was 50 my life would be slowing down.  It hasn't.  I still work full time and  as long as I work full time I will always be busy.  I used to think busy equaled good.  Now I'm not so sure.

But one thing I know, my life is changing.  My handsome son has bought a house and moved out.  I am so proud.  He has finished his first month at his big kid job.  He loves it.  I miss him.  I miss his messy room, and I miss his muddy boots on the floor.  People tell you when your kids are little that you will miss every second of it , and you think "NOT."  But you will.

Not that I'm counting, but we move our daughter to college in 45 days.  45 days until she no longer lives at home. 45 days until it's just back to me and my handsome husband.  45 days until our lives change forever.

Am I sad?? Are you kidding.  I cry just thinking about it.  I am so proud of her.  She will love college life.  She is ready.  I hear people say "I can't wait til' my kids get out of the house."  I have no comprehension of that.  If I could turn the clock back 15 years, I would do it in a heartbeat.  I would enjoy my kids more.  I would cherish every second more.  Because I would realize just how quickly the time would pass.  I guess that's why everyone loves their grandkids.  Because that's your second chance. 

I don't know if I am ready for all this change??  I don't know what I "do" next??  I've been a full-time mom for 21 years.  Now I am just mom from a distance. 

My microwave died last weekend.  The handle broke, so for safety reasons of course it won't turn on anymore.  My microwave oven was 27 years old.   Seriously.  I had had that microwave for over HALF OF MY LIFE.  I walk to the new microwave and I have to actually LOOK at it to figure out how to turn it on. That old microwave, I knew exactly what buttons to push.  But this one . . . really, I just want to heat up some water and a couple of tea bags for iced tea.  Three minutes and 20 seconds, then push start.  But wait?  This new microwave doesn't TAKE 3 minutes and 20 seconds to boil the water.  Change.

Life is so good.  I am so blessed.  And yet all this change is unsettling.  I keep waiting for things to get back to normal.  And then I realize the old normal is over.  Coming home to both kids, over.  My old microwave oven is gone.  I have to find a new normal.

I have less laundry to do.  I have more leftovers.

And I'm trying to figure out how I, ME, fits into all this change.  Because I know that I have to change too.  I can't keep wishing I could turn back the clock. That isn't going to happen.  I have to "embrace change."

How the heck do I do that???