Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Great Faith Is Hard

Do you know how hard it is to have great faith??  I mean, really.  I read about some of those Old Testament folks, and I'm absolutely AMAZED at the unbelievable leaps of faith they took.  They left the land of their forefathers.  Noah built a boat, and it had never rained before on the earth.  But he built a boat anyway.  Abraham tied up his only son and lifted the knife above his body, moments away from offering him as a sacrifice.  But he had faith that somehow God was in control and he trusted Him no matter what.  Elijah told the heathens to pour water on the altar just a few moments before he prayed, asking God to send fire from heaven.  I wonder if he ever doubted?? I wonder if it ever crossed his mind what would happen if God didn't come through??  

These men had GREAT FAITH.

And in the New Testament, too.  Fishermen left their nets to follow a Man walking by who said "follow Me."  A tax collector left his job to become a disciple.  Two men who were already followers of John the Baptist left him to follow Jesus.  Paul abandoned his entire life's work and belief system to follow Jesus and preach the Gospel to the Gentiles.  And he endured persecution, stoning, beatings, and yet he clung to Jesus and he had GREAT FAITH that no matter what, Jesus was with him.

They all had GREAT FAITH.  And I know that while the pages of the Bible don't go into much detail of what those men were feeling during those moments of decision, I can only imagine the faith it must have taken to do what they did.

I will admit my faith has been far from great recently.

My beautiful mother took 4 chemo treatments this fall . . . but was just too tired and weak to take the 5th and final dose.  So the doctors decided to give her a break for a few weeks to build up some strength before "maintenance chemo" begins.  And just when she was beginning to feel better, just when she had started to drive again and go to the grocery store by herself and putter around in the yard, she bent over to take off her shoe last week and her back started hurting.  After several hours at the Emergency Room Sunday morning they discovered a compression fracture at L3 in her lower back.  My mom has osteoporosis and arthritis and her bones are weak and brittle.  

There's really nothing they can do to fix the break, it will just take time to heal.  So they sent her home with pain medicine and muscle relaxers.  The muscle relaxers make her very sleepy and loopy so she isn't taking them at all.  She takes 1/2 dose of the liquid pain medicine, but it has some side effects as well.  My mom is tiny and frail and weak and struggles to eat enough just to maintain her tiny weight.  She desperately wants to feel better.  She wants to be normal.  She wants her old life back.  We all do.

I'm being brutally honest here, so if want a light cheery blog post you should probably leave now.  But if you trust in Jesus, I urge you to stick with me . . . just for a few minutes.  
Cause I'm gonna be real.

These days I look at my mom, and I look at the situation, and my faith feels so tiny it's almost non-existent.  Negativity and doubt have crept in.  Those emotions, and other situations in my life, have robbed me of joy and peace.  I had begun to accept the lies of the enemy.  Lies that said my Jesus wasn't going to come through.  Lies that said I was on my own in the midst of this raging, relentless storm.  Lies that told me to give up.

But today I saw a post on Instagram that was exactly what I needed to read today.  Stephen Furtick of Elevation Church said this --


I have been trying desperately to run from this battle.  I want to take my toys and go home.  I am tired of praying.  Tired of trying to praise in the middle of a storm so ferocious I see no way out.  I am tired of watching my mother's health deteriorate.   And so I've tried to run from it all.  But in the moment I read that quote from Stephen Furtick, I realized that I can't run.  God never rewarded a quitter.  He never rewarded doubters.  He always asked His people to do something.  They had to take the first step, and then He took care of the rest.  He told those Old Testament guys to go fight, and then he would take care of the battle.  But they couldn't sit around in their tents while God did battle for them.  He said do all you can do and then stand.

He never said run.


And I have spent a lot of time desperately wanting to run from this battle.  The most difficult battle of my life.  I'm tired, and I just want God to fix everything.  Today.  

Fixing everything today would be awesome.

I don't want to run anymore.  Because I know that God is in the midst of the battle.  If I can't endure the battle, if I'm running from the battle, then there is no blessing.  I can't have both.  Because running means I don't trust my Jesus.  I have to stay in this, and I have to pray, and I have to trust Him.  

No more running.  

What testimony do I have if I run when things don't go my way?

What am I showing other Christians if I can't say with all my heart "no matter what happens, I'm gonna have GREAT FAITH in Jesus."

God isn't in the midst of my negativity.

God isn't in the midst of my pity party.

Stephen Furtick also said "the enemy can't prevent God from blessing you, but he might be able to prevent you from receiving it." 

I will not allow the enemy to rob me of God's blessing.  The blessing of His peace and His joy and His comfort. I want to receive everything God has for me.

I'm still praying for my mother.  Praying for complete and total healing.  Praying for a miracle.

I'm not running from the battle anymore. I want to be fully present no matter what.
I want to stand before Him one day and hear "well done."
I want others to see my Jesus in me, even in the midst of the storm.

Great faith is hard.  But it's not impossible.
Not when you trust in Jesus.

NO MORE RUNNING . . . . . . . 

Hebrews 6:19 - We have this HOPE as an anchor for our souls, firm and secure.

Jesus is my Hope.  I'm running to Him.


  1. Oh, Robbin! There have been many times in my life where I could have written this post- maybe not as eloquently--but with the same fervor.

    It is NOT easy to see someone suffer. It is NOT easy to pray for things to get better when you are feeling hopeless inside. It is NOT easy to STAY and NOT run away (at least emotionally)...but, we are tough stock and do what we have to do. What's the verse--pray without ceasing? I try to do that and have done it many times in my life. Sometimes I felt rewards and sometimes I felt rebuffed...but I kept coming back because I knew that (sometimes) it was the only real hope I had.

    God bless you, my friend. You are as strong as you need to be--but it is okay to cave in once in a while because YOU are HUMAN! Love to you- xo Diana

    1. Thank you so much Diana. I know you of all people understand. God never promised us an easy life. In fact He said quite the opposite. I'm thankful that He has overcome the world. I don't have to overcome anything. I just have to live for Him and let Him take care of everything. The things which are seen are temporary, the things which are not seen are eternal. I need to keep my eyes on Him, and I'm trying very hard to do that. Love you lady.

  2. Praying for God to give your strength and courage. Praying for your mom to start healing. so all of you can win the blessings. Hugs to you sweetheart, you are really very brave. xoxo, Susie

    1. Oh, Susie, I don't feel brave at all. In fact, most of the time I feel like a big baby, pouting that I'm not getting my way. Thank you for your prayers. I'm praying without ceasing for my mom's healing. But the focus is on God. What is that song, "Lord, forgive us of seeking Your hand and not Your face." I've been seeking God's healing touch. I need to just seek God, and let Him figure out the rest. I'm not giving up or giving in . . . I'm just trying hard to see this through His eyes and letting Him change my heart. Bless you for your prayers and for your words of encouragement. God is so good.

  3. I have a good friend whose trial seems to never let up and give her a room to breathe. A lot of times, I don't even know what to say so I choose to not say any but help out whatever way I can and pray for her daily. Like you, it must be so overwhelming that it's just easier to give up. People will truly never know not until they go through these kinds of storms. When my father was dying from cancer, people around us were amazed how us, his children and him could always laugh despite the imminent departure. But we all knew, it was God's blessing of joy that helped us at that moment. I may not have the right word to say now for you sister. But then again, I know that "faith" isn't seen. So it's difficult to describe what is it truly. Except knowing that Jesus' promises are true because it's our hearts that are able to discern that. I always remind my son that when he goes through trials that come in his way, look at the meter of faith. When worries seem to overwhelm him, then the faith meter must be lower. I pray that for him, for the Lord to always increase His faith. I pray that for you today before I leave. And that may you always be reminded that nothing is impossible with our good Lord, even if the outcome isn't what we want, but I know from my previous battles, that He always turned them around for good. We have God's Armor. If you notice, every part of it arms believers to face what's in front, never in the back. May you grow in the knowledge of the Lord more and know He is with you going through these tough times. May the Lord strengthen you, same with your beloved mother. God bless and thank you for being honest.

    1. Thank you, thank you for these strong words of wisdom. I know they come from your heart and from your experience. Faith isn't seen, and sometimes it isn't even felt. But it is there nonetheless. I feel many times like the man in the Bible that said "I believe, Lord help my unbelief." Jesus is my Hope. He is my all in all and I'm trying very hard to trust Him and keep my eyes on Him. That is when the peace that we can't understand invades the depths of our very soul, and no matter what storm rages around us, we can truly say "It is well." And I know that it is well. No matter what plan God has for my mother, or for me, He never ever fails, and He never makes mistakes. It is my job to trust Him . . . it is His job to take care of everything else. I am not Jesus, I'm just Robbin. I know that this will all be for our good and His glory. My prayer is that I am becoming more of who He wants me to be. Drawing ever closer to Him. With my faith stronger and stronger. Eyes on Him, all the way. Your words are healing to my soul and I thank you for taking the time to comment. Thank you for your prayers as well.

  4. Re:God's Armor, I believe He has our backs!!! To the Lord be the glory!

    1. Amen. I know He has my back. I love Him so much and I'm so thankful for a Godly mother who has always taught me to put my trust fully in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!

  5. Robbin, Our Lord sees. YOU are full of love, for mom, for family, and for people. It is battle. You are a warrior! All, at times, feel less and fail. BUT...our LORD loves you and sees your dear inner most spirit. Jesus knows you are an overcomer. No matter of weakness will lessen your prayer or belief to our Lord of lords. I say you stand a test of performance and robustly pass. You stand...I see it about you. Woman, you do your mom proud!! Let us CONTINUE and pray some more. Remember, 'A LITTLE' is a lot to our Lord, and none is wasted.

    1. You made me cry. Making my mom proud, and my Jesus proud is my heart's desire. I am working toward that with all the faith I can muster. I love your words "a little is a lot to our Lord, and none is wasted." Wow. To think that He can do MUCH with just my feeble attempts at faith and obedience. That is such a blessing to me. Thank you so much for your words of comfort and encouragement. I appreciate you so very, very much. God bless you!

  6. Robbin,
    First off, thank you for being real. I've recently come back to blogger and started sharing my journey about the new season God is finally allowing me to have....after 29 years!
    I'm so sorry that your mom is so frail and going through such a hard time. Having lost my father to a horrible illness, I know it's so hard to see them like that. But, I have some very sweet memories of that time, because it became very precious.

    When Jesus said that we need to take up our cross daily, he does mean daily. Not looking down the road too far, because we can't handle it. Take this journey with your mom, one day at a time, and savor the sweet moments.

    And know that God will not leave you to do this on your own.


    1. Thank you so much dear lady. Yes, it is hard. Truly the most difficult time of my life. But I know that He will sustain me. You're very right about taking it one day at a time. And I struggle with that. I'm working on it!! I know you and your hubby are moving, and I'm excited to see where the Lord will lead you. I'm looking forward to reading all about it on your blog. Bless you for your kind words and prayers. They are appreciated more than you know. God is good!