My mother passed away 16 weeks and one day ago and my heart literally aches for her. I miss her with a weight of grief that only those who have experienced true loss know and understand. I KNOW that my mother is in heaven, rejoicing with the angels around the throne, praising the Savior. My mother was a faithful follower of Jesus all the days of her life and I know her reward is great. That brings me great comfort. My feet are bound to the same straight and narrow path my mom's were so that one day I can be reunited with her and meet my Jesus face to face. Oh what a day. Until then, I “press on.” When people ask how I’m doing I smile and say “I’m doing OK.” But some days I’m not OK. Some days I just want to go out to her grave and bawl my eyes out. I want her back. I would never have let her go if God had asked my permission, but He didn’t, and I trust Him. Life goes on and I try hard to focus on the going forward because I believe that is part of that pressing on that the Lord requires of all of us. We know that all of us are born to die, and death is a part of life.
But oh it is a painful part.
There are good parts of life and I’m about to experience the best of life, or so those who have done this before me say . . . I’m going to be a grandma in just a few hours!! Our wonderful daughter in law is just past 40 weeks pregnant and will be induced tonight, so by this time tomorrow morning our first grandchild (a precious baby boy named after my husband) will be here and your prayers for an uneventful, perfectly normal delivery and a healthy baby boy will be greatly appreciated. The thought of that sweet little baby fills my heart with true joy. I like to believe that my little grandson is at this very moment sitting on my mother’s lap in heaven, and she is telling him all about the wonderful family he is about to join. Holding him will be bittersweet for me as I desperately wanted her to be here as I become a grandma. My mom wanted so desperately to get to see him, and when I hold him for the first time my heart will be full, believing that he has been with my mom since I have. And if that’s not how heaven works then I’m OK with it. But it makes me smile thinking of my mom holding her great-grandson in heaven before I hold him on this earth. Maybe that’s why he’s taking his own sweet time arriving . . . great-grandma’s lap is a wonderful place to be.
My mom's headstone has been delivered to the monument company, and should be engraved this week or next, and set by the end of this month. We are anxious to get that done. It looks so bare and empty out there. I think maybe once the stone is set it will feel more real? I don't know. Because there are days the thought of my mom being gone doesn't feel real at all. Like it must all be a dream.
Speaking of dreams, I dreamed about my mom last week for the first time. It was a wonderful dream . . . for just a few seconds she was here with me and it was wonderful.
I've fallen off the exercise and healthy eating wagon HARD. I went on vacation last month . . . . a trip to Florida that got cut short by the hurricane and it took me awhile to get refocused. But I'm back to exercising and trying to make better food choices. One day at a time.
Thanks so much for sticking with me here at Down On The Farm. And thank you for praying for my daughter-in-law, Megan, and my grandson, Ira Paul. Blessings to you all!!
Stay tuned for lots of pictures of a very cute baby boy!!!
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